NaBloWriMo Day 21

Monday, 20 November 2011
Is It All Just In My Head?

I'm a summer person. No doubt about it. I was born on 5 July during a hot summer. I missed being an Independence Day kid by 4 hours. Story of my life, right there, just missing something because I'm late.

I love summer with every fiber of my being. I'd rather be too hot than too cold, and I think I should be able to (comfortably) wear shorts every day of the year.

So this time of year messes with my inner rhythms something fierce, and I don't like it one bit. The lack of lots of sunshine and warmth makes for a loooooooong winter. Today was grey and damp, and I just wanted to stay in bed forever and ever. Or at least until spring.

I haven't been formally diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), but I'm fairly sure the older I get, the more it affects me. I find I have more anxiety attacks during this time of year, and I just feel like I'm running at a negative speed.

For Christmas I may ask for a tanning package so I can just go sit in a brightly lit warm space for a little bit a day. I'd like to ask to relocate to a warmer climate, but that's not going to happen.

Too bad it's not socially acceptable to hibernate this time of year, because I'm pretty sure I could manage to do that quite well, thanks.

365 Photos Day 293

293/365

I'm not sure if these are helping lower my overall stress level, but they sure do smell good anyway.

365 Photos Day 236

236/365

Recently I've been (not-quite-successfully-as-I'd-like) staving off anxiety attacks because of some things happening at work. Sometimes the Zoloft, she doesn't work as well as I'd like.

I was (sort of) kidding with a friend about getting something stronger, and she said that she'd heard meditation might help.

My Mom used to meditate. She tried to teach me, but it just didn't take. When I slow that far down and empty my mind like that, I fall asleep, which tends to lead to more anxiety when I wake up because now I'm further behind than I was.

ANYWAY.

Last summer, before I'd went on Zoloft, I'd go go go go go go until I fell asleep in a chair at night when I was reading. That was not the answer on so many levels, even though I was certainly breezing through my to-do list quite well.

One of the things that I do when I get stressed is clean. Not for the sake of cleaning, because, yeah...no. When my mind is on overload, I can't stand a lot of visual clutter. It just adds to the TILT factor. Luckily the Kid understands that, so when she sees it happening, she pitches in to get things cleared off and put away.

When I get REALLY stressed, like I'm verging on now, I clean things that need it, but aren't really on my main cleaning list. Things like baseboards, tops of windows, doors, cabinets, etc. I'm not at the point where I'm cleaning out small crevices with a toothbrush and canned air--that was for during finals week when I didn't want to write yet another paper.

In any case, the sink is gleaming now, and I've moved onto other areas. I'm still stressed and anxious, but hey, the house is lookin' goooooood.