Hail, Caesar, those who are about to die salute you.
I know, dramatic much? Yes. Maybe. No.
Normally, at the start of every term, I'm filled with a renewed sense of purpose, and am ready to go. This time, not so much. Perhaps it's because I still haven't recovered mentally from Fall Term 2009. Perhaps it's because last year at the start of Winter term I felt like this, but knew (or at least thought) that the end was in sight. I really don't know.
I'm taking 2 JTerm classes. One professor, bless her, has decided to spread the work out over 3 weeks. This is not to say it'll be easy, though. This is the same professor that I took the Multicultural Literature class from last term. At least this time I know what she expects/demands, and what some of her quirks are. And, for whatever reason, the literature classes have always been my "for fun" ones, so that's also a plus here.
The other professor, bless her heart*, has decided to compact what would be a 3 week class into one week--well, 5 days. The staggering amount of reading, plus the assignments seem overwhelming to me right now. On the one hand, it's great that it'll be over by Saturday the 9th and I'll be able to really focus on the other class. On the other hand, O.M.G. tilt tilt overload. (*the difference between my use of "bless her" and "bless her heart" lies in the odd upbringing I had. Although I lived in the North, much of my family on either side had come up from the South a couple of generations before. 'Bless her heart' is just a Southern way of saying, "I don't agree with what she's doing, but I'm too polite to tell her so because otherwise my Momma will smack me upside the head")
So, anyhow, I will not die from homework or school. However, in some ways, that's exactly what I do. I have to refocus my attention and time toward something I'd rather not be doing (especially since I was SO CLOSE to being free at last after May 2009) and have to ignore anything that's not exploding, bleeding, or otherwise immediately in need of my attention.
I've wondered it before, and I'm definitely wondering it now: is there such a thing as PTSD as witnessed in college students? Or is it just me, in my never-ending quest for perfection? When I turned in my last paper on 21 December, I was drained mentally, physically, and emotionally. I just couldn't seem to transistion back to "normal" life over Christmas break. I felt caught inbetween worlds, and it was so odd. It's like I'd been pushing pushing pushing for so long, and once the term was over, all of a sudden, there was nothing. I knew I couldn't fully relax because the new term would be starting so soon, and started to wonder if perhaps I shouldn't have taken the 2 JTerm classes, and just picked 2 3credit classes for spring term. I don't know if there's ever been a study on how students are directly after a term, but I'm willing to bet I'm not the only one who feels like this. It makes it hard to recharge for the next go-round when I'm still keyed up from the last one.
Ah, but this time...this time will be the last, the Good Lord willing and the creeks don't rise. One can hope.